Menachem Mendel Bolton (Mendy), a 12-year-old boy, was rushed to the hospital during a classmate's Bar-Mitzva. He passed away a few days later.Mendy was buried in Kfar Chabad.
His grandfather, Rabbi Shimon Yedgar, said the following. "Mendy, we love you ... on behalf of grandpa and grandma, on behalf of the whole family, mom and dad... on behalf of all the grandchildren who loved you so much, loved your wisdom, your laughter that is unparalleled in the whole world... What no one does in eighty years, you did in exactly 12 years, 20 Av is Mendy's birthday, 20 Elul is the day of his passing.
You were an amazing child, a humble child, a child with abilities that made it difficult for friends to be around you and connect with you perhaps, but one thing more than anything needs to be understood, the greatness written in the Torah about Reuven for taking responsibility for what he did, about Yehudah who took responsibility for what he did, he did not ignore [what he had done].There is no ignoring what happened, even if there was a medical problem and this was the trigger for this situation - then there is an issue here that 'the living should take to heart' to take to heart that such a situation should not happen, God forbid, that there is another educator in the world to whom a child turns and he does not answer him and does not relate to him when he tells him that there are children who are bothering him, how can such a thing happen?"
Father's Account (Israel Bolton)
His father said that Mendel was a gifted boy who had experienced class ostracism in 4th grade, possibly because his classmates found it hard to relate to him.
"As someone who also experienced ostracism and pranks as a child, and precisely because of this I managed to develop into the person I am today," the father wrote, "I persisted in supporting Mendy and letting him progress despite and because of these experiences. I let him find hobbies and we invested in them, and indeed slowly the child found friends with common topics of conversation ... "Still, from time to time a child or group would emerge that would hurt him, we were experienced and would turn to the teacher or staff but not really expect anything from that side. And Mendy's mother and I, whom I could not have prayed for a better mother for my son, would support him and he would indeed come out stronger."
He recounted the events leading up to the bar mitzvah. He said that Mendy had confided in him, crying."When I asked what happened, he said that all the kids in class laughed at something about his appearance and when he told the teacher, the teacher ignored it. I hugged him, calmed him down, and encouraged him.
I tried to contact the staff, with no response. But I followed up with him and the next day, Tuesday, I called after school and he updated me that the day was fine.
On the terrible Wednesday, he came to me after school happy and said to me 'Dad, today was much better'. He was really excited and happy to go to the bar mitzvah. On Wednesday at 19:45, I dropped him off near the school to wait for the shuttle that was supposed to take them to the bar mitzvah that took place in a nearby settlement called Kfar Chabad B.Just before he got out, we promised to continue the topic of conversation we had on this short trip on Friday when he would be with me again.
From here, what I will write is based on what I heard from others, on the security camera footage, and on the doctors' diagnosis.Mendy entered the bar mitzvah happy, took a picture with the bar mitzvah boy while truly smiling (I know how to identify it), sat with some of his friends and took pictures with them too.
From what I understood he touched the photographer's stand, the photographer yelled at him, he was hurt and I understood that there was also some kind of improvised circle of friends dancing (the band hadn't started yet) and when he tried to join they didn't let him, I don't know who the friends were, whether it actually happened or if it happened before or after the photographer.
After these incidents, Mendi left hurt, crying, and upset. He sat on a bench and cried, during this time his friends came out to calm him down without success, at some point he also walked on the grass, fell, and at first (based on the footage we received) we thought that from the moment of the fall until they found him he was without a pulse.
But in new footage, we see that his friend approached him and then the band's singer approached him and then someone else. That means there was a sign that he was on the grass and still crying consciously. At some point, they probably left him to calm down, and then the arrhythmia occurred and a minute or two later his teacher from last year came from the parking lot and found him not breathing and without a pulse. He immediately called MDA who instructed him to perform CPR and 2-4 minutes later, paramedics arrived who tried to resuscitate him for about twenty minutes. Then they put him in the intensive care ambulance and there they managed to restore his pulse which helped them decide to transfer him to Sheba and not to Assaf Harofeh."
The father added: "This is the place to thank everyone who was a messenger to be with Mendy and try to save him and the pediatric cardiac intensive care team at Sheba who really did everything they could to try to bring him back. But and this is the critical thing, as a result of the arrhythmia, blood did not flow to the brain, the brain developed edema and essentially stopped working.
It's important to clarify, the arrhythmia is a congenital defect, it wasn't created as a result of something, but God chose for it to happen exactly at the time and place it happened. I don't blame the children for Mendy's death, if they have something to ask forgiveness for let them ask but the main thing is that they learn from this and check if there's a child who doesn't understand that it's a joke or momentary.
I don't expect [anything] from the staff because I've learned that they are good at talking and champions at sweeping [things under the rug] so this problem is the smallest in this whole system. I do turn to the parents! This is your child, don't wake up one morning and say, “We didn't know he was like that, sit with him talk to him ask if there's a child he likes less? How is it expressed? What does he do about it? Or a child that others bother? Check yourselves too whether at home you speak badly about other people? Disrespect them, consider them less? Your child sees and does. Or maybe your child is on the hurt side and he's looking for support and encouragement from you! Don't leave the responsibility to others."
The Talmud Torah's Version
This morning, Rabbi Menachem Brod, one of the veteran residents of Kfar Chabad and former Chabad spokesman, published an extensive column on the Chabad Online (COL) website, addressing the incident that has shaken the residents of the village and the Chabad Hasidic community. He denied accusations of ostracism, based on documentation and testimonies.
Here's what he said:
"Sometimes, with good intentions, we make exactly the same mistakes we seek to correct. We warn of a fire on the right side and light a fire with our own hands on the left side ...Think about the children, Mendy's classmates. You can imagine how difficult it is for them to bear the very tragic event. A class goes together to celebrate a friend's bar mitzvah, and one of the children loses consciousness, and after resuscitation efforts in the field is taken by intensive care ambulance and dies after a few days. This situation in itself requires psychological support for the class children.
But now they've been burdened with a psychological load seventy-seven times heavier. It's being published everywhere that they ostracized their friend and caused his death. Do you grasp the terrible meaning of such an accusation?! Is this the sensitivity to others that they're talking about?! Is this identification with his pain?!
And let's assume the story about the ostracism was true (and it's not!) – is this the way to deal with the phenomenon?! After all, we're talking about children! Imagine these children are your children or grandchildren; would you want it published all over the world that these children did such and such and as a result such and such happened?"
Rabbi Brod continued: "There are clear facts that can't be denied. First, the classmates chose Mendy to be one of the two children who present the class gift to the bar mitzvah boy and read the class's blessing. An ostracized child does not, of course, receive this honor."
The child burst into tears and went outside following an incident that was not related to the children at all (but to one of the professionals serving the celebration). His friends' reaction again shows that there was no ostracism on their part, God forbid.
With my own eyes, I saw the security camera footage, which shows a large group of children going out after the child and trying to persuade him to return. Children who ostracize their friend are happy with his departure and do not try to bring him back. It's clear, therefore, that there was no ostracism on their part.
Did everyone who threw or echoed the ostracism allegation check the facts beforehand? Did they think for a moment about the children and what this does to them? Probably not."And such are also the accusations against the Talmud Torah staff. Are they not human beings? Should we not be sensitive to them? People spread rumors with unbearable ease, without checking and without trying to hear the other side. And everyone feels the need to inflate a little more, and add salt and pepper, as their good imagination allows them. It's very easy to turn teachers and principals into punching bags. But there's no love of Israel and sensitivity to others here."
It was important for me to clarify the facts. I spoke with both the family and the Talmud Torah staff. And what can I tell you, it's far from the simplistic and unequivocal statements being thrown around. The educational staff is also limited in its ability to defend and explain itself, and sometimes educators have no choice but to hear their disgrace and restrain themselves. But I heard from several staff members what they did for the child, and I tell you that the words of truth are evident and they evoke appreciation. Not only is there no indifference and lack of care here, God forbid, but quite the opposite.
I also saw a long and warm message sent from the family to the class teacher at the end of the last school year, full of praise for the educational work done during the year and for the good values that the teacher instilled in the child."
Rabbi Brod concluded: "Of course, I do not direct my words towards the broken and shattered family. About this, Hannah the Prophetess said: 'Out of the abundance of my complaint and grief have I spoken until now'.
Our sages have already said that a person is not held accountable for his grief. But all those around, who pounced on the opportunity to beat the unfortunate children and the Talmud Torah staff would do well to check carefully whether it was indeed pure love of Israel that burned in their hearts and motivated them or perhaps some not-so-good qualities."
And the main thing – what will come out of hurling accusations at others? Will it make me better, more sensitive, more loving of Israel? Instead, let's think about what each and every one of us can fix – not the institution or the community or the gabbaim or the activists, but me and you. How can I be more sensitive, more caring, more careful, more inclusive.
If we do so – this upheaval will cause us to be better and more loving of Israel, and this will bring us the blessings of our Rebbes, the founders of the village, for all good things, and especially for the true and complete redemption."
The tragedy has deeply affected the Kfar Chabad community, and reignited conversation about the severe consequences of social ostracism.