Ilana Gritzewsky was freed after 55 days in Gaza. In her head, she's still there: "I wake up screaming"

On October 7, Ilana Gritzewsky (30) was abducted from Kibbutz Nir Oz along with her partner, Matan Tsengauker (24). She immigrated to Israel from Mexico 14 years ago, followed by her parents and sister. She was released from Hamas captivity on November 30, 2023, as part of the seventh phase of the deal.

This morning (Wednesday) on the "Seder Yom" program on Kan Reshet Bet, Ilana spoke about her harrowing experience and the lingering trauma.

In the interview, Gritzewsky addressed the deal to release the hostages: "We need to bring everyone back in exchange for ending the war," described the trauma that has haunted her since her release: "I wake up at night screaming."

"It’s absolutely heartbreaking," Ilana said about talks of resuming fighting and halting the agreement with Hamas. "There’s a deal, and we can bring everyone back at once in exchange for ending the war." She expressed frustration that the government isn’t listening to the public, the survivors, or the hostages’ families.

Ilana described the harsh conditions and fears she endured during captivity: "A tunnel is darkness, a small room with no air—you don’t know if it’s day or night. It’s helplessness because you’re someone else’s puppet. I was afraid they’d marry me off or that I’d never see my parents again." She revealed she considered ending her life: "There were times I’d lock myself in the bathroom and think about jumping or smashing my head against the sink to die—because I wasn’t willing to let that be my life."

She spoke about the lingering trauma since her release, saying she wakes up screaming at night and that certain smells and sounds bring her back to captivity: "It doesn’t end the moment we’re freed, and it’s not an experience I think you can forget. We’ll need to learn how our traumas won’t define who we are."

Ilana recounted watching a video of her captive partner, Matan Tsengauker, from over three months ago: "He looked scared and thin; his eyes were screaming ‘save me.’ That wasn’t him—his soul was extinguished. But I know he’s strong and fighting to survive, like all the hostages."

She expressed hope that Matan would return, allowing them to recover and resume normal life: "I’m dying to bake again—I haven’t touched my mixer since October 6. I want to build my relationship with Matan and bake him his favorite cake."