Elizabeth Kubler Ross' 5 stages of grief: The emotional journey of a nation at war

Throughout the months of war, the people of Israel have experienced a full spectrum of emotions and feelings, both as individuals and as a nation. Beyond the natural sadness and joy present in different stages of the war, and the anxiety that characterized the first months, Israel experienced moments of denial, anger, depression, and more. Here's a deep dive into the psychological stages and national healing process.

From the war's beginning, Israel has followed one precious family who became famous under tragic circumstances - the Bibas family: mother Shiri and her sons Ariel and Kfir, who were kidnapped from their home in Kibbutz Nir Oz, while father Yarden was separately abducted from the kibbutz grounds. Throughout all the months of war, they've been present in everyone's prayers, thoughts, and concerns.

The Five Stages Model:

In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist, published her "Five Stages Model for Dealing with Grief and Loss." Having been a young girl in Europe during World War II, she describes how visiting the Majdanek concentration camp in Poland led her to confront questions about death, loss, and cruelty.

The model's stages as applied to Israel's national experience:

1. Denial and Isolation: "No, this can't be"

Beyond the initial shock and paralysis that gripped the country in the first weeks after the massacre, everyone experienced moments of denial: "This can't be happening," both when the scope of the disaster became clear and as new details emerged.

2. Anger: "Why us?"

There is significant anger in the air - directed at Hamas "Nazis," at Gazans, at the military conception failure, at the Gaza disengagement, even at the Oslo Accords, at the government, at military leadership, and at anyone who was negligent on that black day.

3. Bargaining: "I'll do anything..."

While the model typically applies this to terminal patients, in Israel's case it manifests in those willing to "sell everything" (including their children's existential future) to bring back all the hostages.

4. Depression: "Everything is meaningless now"

While the faithful part of the nation channels their feelings into strengthened faith, prayer, and good deeds, those who are more distant "sink" into depression and feelings of futility, as reflected in some media coverage and quotes from former senior state officials.

5. Acceptance: "It will be okay, I will be okay"

It's difficult to say we've accepted or come to terms with what the country has experienced. Despite the apparent return to routine, the wound in the nation's heart still bleeds and will continue to bleed as long as our brothers and sisters remain in distress and captivity, with prayers and hope for their swift return - the living to their families and the deceased to proper Jewish burial.

The paper notes that unlike Sigmund Freud, who argued that grief stages must be passed through sequentially, Kübler-Ross maintained that the stages don't have to occur in order, and not everyone experiences all stages. However, she claimed that at least two of the stages occur in everyone during times of disaster.

Kikar HaShabbat contributed to this article.