A therapist reveals: How to help your child thrive in therapy (and what not to do)

When your child begins therapy, it can be a transformative step toward emotional healing and personal growth. As a therapist, I’ve witnessed how essential a supportive family environment is for a child’s progress. However, creating that environment requires intentionality, understanding, and boundaries. This article will outline how parents can best support their child, what behaviors to avoid, and why maintaining clear boundaries is vital for successful therapy.

The Role of the Parent in Therapy

Parents play a critical role in their child’s therapeutic journey. While the therapist works directly with your child to explore emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, the family’s attitude and actions outside the therapy room significantly influence the outcome. A strong therapeutic alliance between the child and therapist can be a powerful vehicle for change, but it can falter if undermined by harmful behaviors or boundary violations.

What Helps

Respecting the Process:

Therapy is a confidential and safe space for your child to express themselves. Trust the process and give your child the privacy they need to build a trusting relationship with their therapist.

Providing Emotional Support:

Show interest in your child’s progress without prying into the specifics of their sessions. A simple, “I’m here if you ever want to talk,” lets them know you care.

Encouraging Consistency:

Attend scheduled appointments consistently and prioritize therapy as an important part of their routine.

Modeling Healthy Behaviors:

Children often mirror the behaviors they see in their parents. Demonstrate emotional regulation, effective communication, and respect for boundaries.

Collaborating When Invited:

If the therapist involves you in the process—whether through family sessions or parental guidance—participate with an open mind and a willingness to learn.

What Hurts

Mocking Going to Therapy

Parents or siblings who weaponize the child’s going to therapy against them will harm the process. People are strong for choosing to see a therapist, it is not a sign of a weakness.

Rude, Insulting, or Snide Comments:

Dismissing therapy as pointless, belittling your child’s feelings, or making sarcastic remarks about their progress can erode their trust in the process. These actions can lead your child to feel invalidated and unwilling to engage.

Boundary Violations:

Pressuring your child to disclose what they discuss in therapy or attempting to use the therapist as a spy undermines the sanctity of the therapeutic relationship.

Involving the Therapist in Family Conflicts:

The therapist’s role is to support the child, not to mediate or take sides in family disputes.

The Importance of Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are the cornerstone of effective therapy. Without them, the therapeutic process can become muddled, or even derailed completely.

Separate Therapists: Parents and children should not see the same therapist. Similarly, siblings should have their own individual therapists. These boundaries ensure that each person has a confidential and unbiased space.

Avoid Dual Relationships: A therapist should not be a friend of the family or someone who has personal ties to you. Dual relationships can compromise objectivity and confidentiality, which are essential for effective therapy.

Trust the Therapist’s Expertise: Parents MUST resist the urge to micromanage or second-guess the therapist’s methods. Clients should absolutely challenge their own personal therapist in an effort to gain awareness and understanding. However, when it comes from a third-party, it is extremely damaging. Therapy is a professional relationship with its own set of rules and ethics designed to protect your child’s well-being, feel free to ask the therapist questions directly, but please do not voice your doubts, confusion and questions about the therapist to your child.

The Family’s Role in Healing

While the therapist provides guidance and tools, the real work happens outside the therapy room. Parents and caregivers are integral to creating a supportive environment that reinforces the skills and insights your child gains in therapy.

Foster Open Communication: Let your child know they can share as much or as little as they’re comfortable with regarding their therapy experience.

Implement Changes at Home: Work on creating a home environment that supports emotional growth, whether that’s setting clear boundaries, practicing active listening, or encouraging positive habits.

Engage in Self-Reflection: Consider how your own behaviors and attitudes might impact your child. Sometimes, participating in therapy or seeking guidance as a parent can provide valuable insights that benefit the entire family dynamic.

Be Patient: Change takes time. Celebrate small victories and remain patient as your child navigates their journey.

Supporting a child in therapy requires a combination of respect, patience, and a commitment to maintaining healthy boundaries. As a parent, your role is not to control the process but to provide a foundation of trust and encouragement. Remember, therapy is a collaborative effort, and the family plays a crucial role in fostering an environment where healing can flourish. By aligning your actions with these principles, you’re not only supporting your child’s growth but also strengthening your family as a whole.

Yisroel Picker is a Social Worker and therapist who lives and works in Jerusalem. He is a certified trauma therapist with a private practice. Additionally, he also sees clients who would like to take a cognitive approach (e.g. DBT, CBT, REBT) towards reaching their desired outcome.

He has been writing and speaking publicly about child sex abuse prevention since 2017.

To speak with Yisroel about speaking at a child safety event or to discuss a personal case, email him at yisroel@ympicker.com

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