Ego, fantasies, and toxic relationships: Meet the  narcissists

Last week, we wrote about the phenomenon called psychopathy. Many readers then asked us about the difference between a psychopath and a narcissist.

In the following lines, you'll discover a new world you didn't know - and that you probably don't want to know up close.

For those dear readers who have encountered this phenomenon, whether in relationships, family, or work - our hearts go out to you. On the surface, there's nothing more challenging than living with a person with narcissistic personality traits.

In the previous article, we received many responses regarding relationships with people who have narcissistic and psychopathic disorders - we'll address that as well.

The Difference Between Narcissism and Psychopathy

A psychopath is a person without empathy who is driven by manipulation, control, and cold-hearted schemes. While narcissists and psychopaths share some dark traits, such as lack of empathy and exploiting others for their own purposes, there are fundamental differences between them.

Narcissists need constant admiration and attention to strengthen their self-image, while psychopaths are completely indifferent to what others think of them and act from purely utilitarian motives.

While narcissists may be offended and react angrily to criticism, psychopaths remain cold and calculated even in difficult situations. Additionally, pathological narcissism typically stems from deep childhood wounds and emotional deprivation, while psychopathy is more of an innate trait, resulting from neurological differences in the brain.

Narcissism has become one of the most popular terms in today's psychological and social discourse.

In the era of social media, where people constantly highlight themselves, narcissism seems to be thriving. Is this truly a proliferation of a psychological disorder, or rather a cultural characteristic?

While the term "narcissist" is often used to describe an arrogant or self-centered person, in the psychological world, it has a more precise definition.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a clinical disorder characterized by an excessive sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and a constant need for admiration. But it's important to understand that narcissism exists on a spectrum: there is "healthy" narcissism, which contributes to success and achievement, and in contrast, pathological narcissism that can make life difficult and complex for those suffering from it and their environment.

The term "narcissism" derives from the Greek myth of Narcissus, a young man whose self-love led to his death. His story symbolizes self-obsession and the endless focus on personal image.

In modern psychology, Sigmund Freud was among the first to study narcissism from a theoretical perspective.

Freud claimed that every person has a certain amount of innate narcissism, which is part of normal development. Later, researchers like Karen Horney and Heinz Kohut developed more in-depth theories about the disorder, focusing on the connection between childhood experiences and the development of narcissistic personality.

Characteristics of Narcissistic Personality

Narcissists display a unique combination of excessive self-confidence alongside internal fragility. The disorder manifests in several key characteristics.

These are the prominent signs for diagnosing narcissism:

Sense of superiority – Narcissists see themselves as superior to others and believe they deserve special treatment.

Need for admiration – They need constant external validation to maintain their self-image.

Lack of empathy – They struggle to understand or identify with others' feelings.

Exploitation of interpersonal relationships – They may use people around them as tools to fulfill their personal needs.

Extreme sensitivity to criticism – Despite their confident appearance, narcissists are easily hurt by criticism and may respond with intense anger or complete disregard.

Social media provides a broad platform for narcissism, and sometimes even encourages narcissistic behaviors. The "selfie" culture, constant comparisons on networks, and the persistent need for external validation have become the norm. Research indicates that the younger generation shows more narcissistic tendencies than previous generations, but there is professional disagreement about whether this represents an increasing clinical disorder or simply the effects of modern lifestyle.

Social media serves as an ideal means for narcissists to create a polished self-image. They can "edit" their lives to appear more glamorous than they really are, and receive reinforcement in the form of likes and admiring comments. But when the lights go out, many of them experience emptiness, anxiety, and dissatisfaction.

Narcissism in Relationships

And it's impossible to talk about narcissism without addressing relationships.

Living alongside a narcissist is a challenge, to put it very mildly. Narcissists struggle to create deep and genuine connections because their relationships are based on what they receive from the other person — whether it's admiration, power, or unconditional support. They can be charismatic at the beginning of a relationship, but over time their behavior becomes demanding, manipulative, and most of the time also harmful.

People in relationships with narcissists often experience control mechanisms like "gaslighting" — a method where the narcissist undermines their partner's confidence to control them. In severe cases, the relationship becomes a cycle of emotional abuse and disguised or even overt violence.

The biggest challenge for a woman or man in such a toxic relationship is leaving it, because the narcissist makes their victim feel that there is no life without them.

The Test

Are you a narcissist? Well, if you want an answer to this question, here's the test.

For a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic disorder, they must display at least 5 of the following 9 criteria:

Sense of grandiosity – Excessive sense of self-importance (for example, exaggeration of achievements and talents, expecting exceptional recognition without corresponding achievements).

Fantasies about unlimited power, success, or beauty – Constant preoccupation with success, power, beauty, or ideal love.

Belief that they are special and unique – A sense of uniqueness and the belief that only special people or those of high status can understand them.

Need for constant admiration – Excessive need for attention, recognition, and admiration from others.

Sense of entitlement – Unrealistic expectation of special treatment or automatic compliance with their demands.

Exploitation of others – Exploiting relationships for personal needs, lack of empathy for others.

Lack of empathy – Difficulty identifying or empathizing with others' feelings and needs.

Envy of others or belief that others envy them – Tendency to be envious or believe that others are envious of them.

Arrogant and haughty behavior – Display of arrogance, experience, or condescending attitude toward others.

Can Narcissism Be Treated?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is considered difficult to treat, as many sufferers don't recognize that they need help. However, prolonged psychotherapy can help narcissists understand the roots of their behavior and develop tools to manage relationships in a healthier way.

Treatment methods such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) can be beneficial, especially when the patient manages to identify the negative impact of their behavior on their environment. In some cases, life-changing events, such as significant failure or loss of close relationships, can serve as a turning point for treatment.

Modern Narcissistic Figures

In the modern era, many figures from politics, business, and entertainment display prominent narcissistic characteristics. Donald Trump, for example, is known for his self-centered communication style, his never-ending need for admiration, and his sharp responses to any criticism.

Kanye West, the antisemitic artist who declared himself "God" and compared his work to that of Michelangelo, demonstrates extreme narcissism in the entertainment industry.

Elon Musk, although a groundbreaking entrepreneur, often displays excessive self-confidence and blunt responses to his critics, which seemingly places him on the narcissistic spectrum.

Figures like Vladimir Putin, who markets himself as a strong and unshakeable ruler, display patterns reminiscent of clinical narcissism, especially regarding control and the need for self-glorification. However, it's important to distinguish between pathological narcissism and assertiveness and strong leadership, traits that can appear similar but are fundamentally different.

In an era where anyone can create a perfect image for themselves on social media, our challenge as a society is to nurture authenticity, compassion, and relationships based on genuine empathy rather than a need for admiration.