Hadassa Ben Ari: 'I’m Still Tied to a Man Who Isn’t Mine Anymore' 

Hadassa Ben Ari, the prolific writer, lecturer, and mother of seven, has publicly voiced her exasperation at being perpetually linked in the media to her ex-husband, Hanan Ben Ari, despite their divorce several months ago. In a candid and reflective post published today (Monday), she tackled not only her personal experience but also the broader, perennial issue of women’s exclusion, both within religious Jewish circles and in the public sphere at large.

Ben Ari’s critique is rooted in a paradox: though she has built an independent career marked by tangible achievements—publishing books in Hebrew and English within a mere six months, conducting two international lecture tours, and preparing to release yet another work—her public identity remains stubbornly tethered to her former spouse, a well-known figure in his own right. “It’s almost always tied to the man who is no longer mine,” she wrote, a sentiment that encapsulates her frustration with a media narrative that refuses to let her stand alone. For Ben Ari, this is emblematic of a lingering patriarchal reflex, even in a society she believes has moved beyond such structures. “The patriarchy is dead,” she declared emphatically, arguing that women from every background—religious or secular, privileged or marginalized—should be free to define themselves without being anchored to a man, whether current or past.

Her remarks arrive amid ongoing debates about gender dynamics in Israel’s religious communities, where traditional roles often clash with modern aspirations. Ben Ari’s own story complicates the narrative. Raised in a religious society that she describes as supportive—“They always lifted me up,” she recalled—she was encouraged from a young age to pursue her talents. At 18, she led workshops espousing the same ideas she now shares in her lectures; by 20, she embraced family life as a deliberate choice, viewing it as a nation-building endeavor. Today, she balances raising what she calls a “leadership class” of seven children with a thriving creative career. Yet, despite this trajectory of self-realization, she finds her accomplishments overshadowed by association with her ex-husband. “Can’t I stand alone?” she asked pointedly. “I never rode on my family name—quite the opposite.”

Ben Ari’s reflections extend beyond personal grievance to a broader feminist critique. She dismisses token gestures like International Women’s Day as “detached and ridiculous,” advocating instead for a world where women’s contributions are celebrated naturally, every day—rendering such designated occasions obsolete. In this vision, she sees a parallel equity for men, suggesting that true gender liberation benefits all. It’s a stance that aligns with her self-described “familial feminism,” a framework she claims to have discovered in the foundational texts of Judaism—the Torah, the stories of the matriarchs, and the Book of Esther. “Every time I hear that Judaism excludes women, I’m surprised,” she wrote, insisting that her faith has not constrained her but rather illuminated her sense of self. She credits religious teachings with guiding her expression, not stifling it.

This perspective is not without its nuances. Ben Ari acknowledges the evolving role of Judaism in a modern context, citing Nir Menussi’s book The Morning After as a touchstone. She describes the work as a “fascinating collection” that weaves together femininity, masculinity, sexuality, and love—themes she has explored for 17 years through reading, research, and introspection. For her, Judaism is not a relic to be reformed but a living tradition with lessons for humanity. “I wish the whole world knew the Judaism I know,” she concluded, framing it as a source of light rather than limitation.

Still, her post reveals a tension between this idealized vision and her lived reality. Even as she garners media attention and praise, the persistent coupling of her name with Hanan Ben Ari’s underscores a disconnect. It’s a phenomenon she finds both personal and systemic, reflective of a society still grappling with how to fully recognize women as individuals, not appendages. As Ben Ari prepares to launch her next book, her words serve as both a personal manifesto and a broader call to rethink gender narratives—not just in religious circles, but everywhere.