We are already about four months into our children’s school year. This is a source of great happiness, involving months of interest, achievement and personal development... for most of us. Let's talk about those with whom it seems that the education they receive is not succeeding - those who leave the religion.
Children who leave the religion come from both ultra-orthodox and religious Zionist society. This is not a new phenomenon and its exact extent is unknown, although it is known that numbers are high. The question of how to treat the choice made by those who quit and the healthy way to continue the family relationship concerns many in our circles.
The simplest and most basic premise is that according to Judaism, man has free choice. Every person who left the religion exercised his choice and it is his right that his choice be respected. A struggle with the person's right to choose does not change the inner will of that person, but only forces him to stay away or fulfill his choice in hiding. A suffocating reality is created that does not allow for healthy communication.
The continuation of this premise is dealing with the question of why a person would choose to decide that what he was brought up to believe is a bad thing? The person himself does not always know how to explain exactly why he chooses one thing or another. He knows that something attracts him, something arouses his interest and a positive feeling and that is enough for him to approach this thing. He has an inexplicable need for this factor. Deciding not to honor it can create distress.
Ultra-Orthodox or religious Zionist parents will benefit from recognizing that their child's lack of interest in religion is not a failure. Children are not educated in religion so that they will be religious, but to give them good. Once this is done, what happens is in the hands of the child. Giving credit and transferring responsibility to the child will give him room to think for himself and make honest decisions. This is how real development is created in the child's life.
Respect is a basic duty of parents to their children. Children are first of all people in their own right and they deserve recognition for who they are. Parents who see their children for who they are gain closeness to their child. Respect for the child is his basic need and right, even when the child chooses a path contrary to the one the parents wanted for him. Respect for the child's choices will encourage him to make good decisions.
