In a heart-wrenching visit, Rabbi Shaul Alter came to comfort the Danino family following the tragic murder of their son, Ori, who was killed while in Hamas captivity in Gaza.
Rabbi Alter immediately addressed the pain of loss and waiting. "They prayed and hoped," he began, acknowledging the family's anguish during Ori's captivity. He then delved deeper into the nature of suffering and faith:
"It's in the heart more than anywhere else. It's remembering the son, his smiles, until the last breath. Everything is from Heaven, even the suffering of waiting," Rabbi Alter said. He then referenced a teaching from Rashi: "'Prolonged hope is a sickness of the heart.' If a person waits and waits, and it doesn't happen, Rashi says that it's also from him, also from him."
Rabbi Alter continued, "Can one say words, can one comfort? One can only say that there is One who did this, and we know that He knows what He's doing. That's it. This is his path, everyone does his own and gives pleasure to God. One goes on a long path, this is the path."
Ori's father spoke of his son's leadership qualities and selflessness, Rabbi Alter responded, "True self-sacrifice, yes. I say, not the leaders, not the commanders, but these, those who simply gave their bodies without calculations. All the others, after all, calculate what's good for them and what's not. Fortunate are the parents who raised such a son. It doesn't come by itself."
The rabbi emphasized the importance of faith in times of tragedy. "Blessed is He who decrees and fulfills," he said, "God who decreed gives the strength to bear, and we believe. Without faith, what do we have? We have nothing."
Referencing a previous visit the family had made to him during Hanukkah, Rabbi Alter reflected, "We talked then about waiting and how one can wait. What does a person know? A person doesn't know what's around the corner. One must continue, there's nothing to do. 'Against your will you live,' as it's written in Pirkei Avos that we are messengers here, and we are in the world only... So he [Ori] did his path like this, and we pay it in small coins, working for the same employer, the same boss. That's what He wanted."
Rabbi Alter also spoke about the enduring nature of the neshomah, "The soul is present. 'You are children to God, do not cut yourselves,' so it is written. He went to... We don't grasp it because we are here in the world, but he is present and he exists, and the soul is present. That's what there is, that's what we can hold onto. As you said, his goodness exists. The good exists, it doesn't get lost."
In his final words, Rabbi Alter spoke of Uri's lasting impact: "Such people indeed advocate. The people of Israel need salvation, and here are people, he is one ... even now you don't know how much he protects [us from] above. To what extent such self-sacrifice of a simple Jew, yes, not a rabbi and not a tzaddik [righteous person] and not who knows what, a simple Jew, how important it is above. Not the righteous, not the wise, simply 'Here I am' to give for the other, how much it protects and how much it... Yes, it's a bit of a path... It's true, but we're all here on a path."
The rabbi concluded with a blessing: "May God bless you to see nachas [joy] from the children in health and long life, and strengthen you, and we'll hear good tidings. Amen."
